so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
