i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
