just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
