i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
