super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
