why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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