My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
