The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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