I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
