I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
honey bunches of taint.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Randomize
