hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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