3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
