Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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