I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
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