I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
