Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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