I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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