Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
