matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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