Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
