my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
