went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize