you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
