She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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