sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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