we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
