I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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