I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
