I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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