So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I faked an abortion last night.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
