My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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