they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
