Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
