We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
