just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
