I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
