Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
