Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
