I cannot find my penis.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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