I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize