My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
