I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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