Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
