worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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