Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
