She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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