My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
