i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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