My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
