.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize