I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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