I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize