How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
