I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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