Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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