Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
