Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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