i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
