considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize