Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
