the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
