Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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