32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize