So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
