If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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