so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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