Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
