Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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