he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
