I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
