apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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