Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
