hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
