ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize