We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
