shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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