dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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