i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Never underestimate the power of titties
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
