dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
