obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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