well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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