Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize