he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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