There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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