You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
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