Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
