Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
