Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
