You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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