I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
