just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
