I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
