I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
