Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
