If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
