So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
