I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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