He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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