I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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