Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
