Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
