We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
