Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize