Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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