I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
