it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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