remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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