Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
